ADRIFT WITH SAUDADE
oil paint, acrylic paint, chinese ink, pen ink, white water-colour, lip, masking fluid, marble, nail paint, enamel paint, sandpaper, bronzing powder, layered resin and a touch of fire.
Saudade is longing for something, not in a nostalgic way but more in a morbid; the person is dead way.
"Life is a pleasure you suffer, an ailment you enjoy."
It is a longing for someone or something that you remember fondly but know you can never experience again.
Adrift with Saudade is the story of my life at 18 years old.
I became an adult. I experienced this eerie lifestyle, yet days and nights are perfumed with obsession. I devoured this thing called love, repulsively regorging and purging it out.
As I turned older, I received instead of paper dollar bills, I have new powers. This freedom of your own responsibility, initial sheepish acceptance of newfound wealth and status. The silver metals refers to the materialism that comes with fame. Slowly tainted metals, inducing rust. I'm rejecting wealth, letting them rust, I want millions in seconds. Time in this painting is lamented with the idea of 'youth gone missing', I desperately cling on to the idea that I wanted to go back to being 17 again, enjoying my teenage years in it's sweetest, yet hardest aftertaste on the eyes and teeth.
The imagery describes the angst of drowning in deep dark blue waters, and the dashing quick reds shows the fear associated with leaving that time behind for an uncertain future. Nostalgia and regret hits me at full throttle, knocking me out in this cold yet warm sensation. Life is like a river, you can't change who gets to choose who, you can't get what you always want, you can't change this aeon of definite life.